Friday, January 8, 2010

Teddy Bears and Gummy Worms...

The holidays were rough... I'm just going to say it. I don't talk about my personal life that much on this blog for the simple reason that I'm usually up to my eyeballs at work. But it was time that work took a backseat for awhile.

While balancing the workload, the commute, the 2 1/2 year old and all other things... I was also trying to care for my mother who had ALS. 18 months ago, she was diagnosed after her foot was still giving her problems after her back surgery. Like a tube of toothpaste being pushed from the bottom, she slowly lost control of her feet, legs, arms, and eventually her breathing. She was doing fairly well, but about 3 weeks ago, things went downhill quickly. She eventually was dehydrated, and when gunk filled up in her lungs, she didn't have the strength to cough it out.

We had a great Christmas together, but the day after Christmas she went to the hospital, home again, and then back to the hospital after being unresponsive. She was ready to go. I contacted my brothers and we gave her the best passing we could. She didn't want to go on New Year's because she didn't want to have that stuck in our minds each holiday. On January 2nd, after having a few days of looking at photos, laughing and sharing, we took her air off and she passed quickly by 11am. She was so graceful about it all, and had such a sense of humor. She left without fear, which was inspiring and makes me so proud of her.

We are creating a Celebration of Life ceremony down the line. She didn't want us to rush, and she didn't want it to be sad and depressing. She wanted it to be a true celebration of her life.

The photo is of her in 20s, and she's just so darn pretty. So why title it Teddy Bears and Gummy Worms? My mom loved teddy bears, and held on to one when she passed. I'm eating gummy worms to cope.